I have a new blog!
http://missmoo.blogeasy.com/

all things come to an end
most people would just close their blog if they planned on not writing any more but i'm such a drama queen i have to post about it.

life has been extreamly good lately other than my mini breakdowns but ya cant change over night

my biological claock wont shut the fuck up and it's causeing me problems

i want to be married nad have a family...my urge for this only delays things

i must try my best not to push LD away

so thanks for reading...maybe i'll be back later

finding my happy place

I’ve been working on strengthening my mind, to fight out the random negative thoughts that pop into my head. It’s more exhausting than a physical work out.

Last night while we had company, LD and I had (in his words) a minor miscommunication that sent me into a panic attack. I felt the usual hot cold sensation on the back of my next that lets me know my world may possibly come to an end, my heart was beating so fast that I could see my shirt moving. I kept yawning to disguise the fact that I was having problems breathing.
I ran into the kitchen and took my happy pills, sat on the couch, lit a cigarette (which didn’t help the breathing much) hoping that some how E would get the hit and leave so I could fall apart in private.
I finally had to go into the bedroom and shut the door. I laid on my bed unable to cry but feeling the need
Happy thoughts were no where to be found

As soon as I heard E leave I went out into the living room. I wanted to either patch things up or be done with it I hate torture.

Me: But you don’t understand!

LD cuts me off: this is a minor issue, part of solving something is to let the minor shit go. I promise when we have a big problem, and we will have big problems I will let you flip out twice as much, but it’s not necessary now. So please try and be happy.

Inside my head: why did he say we’re gonna have big problems?? Did he cheat on me? Is he not happ? Does he want to leave?
Wait a damn minute he’s just saying that every couple has big problems you cant avoid it…calm your spazz ass down!


I sat on the couch crying silently. Our new kitten came ands climbed into my lap. I hugged him and breathed in his kitty smell (the good kind like baby smell) he meowed at me for a few minutes and amazingly I calmed down. He’s such a sweet cat

May Cause Side Effects
It’s a strange coincidence to me that my favorite Author has come out with a new book titled May Cause Side Effects and that my shrink has upped my meds to treat my condition more aggressively and keeps warning me about the DREADED side effect.

I was talking w/ LD about this last night

“if I lose my sex drive I’m cutting that man’s dick off! If I cant have sex neither can he”

LD: trust me you’ll never have that problem

I repeated this to my friend Diddy this morning and he said “YOU will never have that problem”

Thanks for the support guys :P

Barbie feet
I am now properly medicated. I even made it through PMS without a breakdown!
I’m slowly learning to let things go and have been able to stop myself from worrying so much, I feel very Zenish right now and I have a paperclip on my head. (no it’s not the drugs my bangs are too long and driving me crazy and a paper clip is my only choice right now)

Random babbling
Our cable company gave us a deal on digital cable so my brain is now going to rot out of my head, but I’m not complaining I’ve caught up on the Sopranos and Weeds life is good
LD made me watch The Corner, a documentary of where he grew up (Baltimore) it’s very good but very sad

My mom bought me a new cell phone, apparently she was going to get fined if I didn’t update because it didn’t have a GPS thingy in it where people could find me…I wonder if I can call them when I’m lost to tell me where I am…
But I love my new phone it’s a camera phone so LD and I have been taking lots of nasty pictures. Who knew you could have so much fun with a phone?

I got some cute shoes but I’ve been so used to wearing boots that in these flat shoes I walk like Barbie, too bad I didn’t have her body, but I guess it’s a good thing I don’t LD likes my booty ( was gonna say kadunkadunk but I’m too white to use that word :P)

bills bills bills
for a year I complained about living with mommy and daddy my freedom is nice but I am SO BROKE!

I want new clothes so bad but I have collection agencies calling left and right.
I feel more frumpy than usual...example Friday night we went out for happy hour (ended up staying til midnight...I know I know if I’m so damn broke what the hell am I goin out for? To keep LD from going stir crazy and give him some different walls to look at...back to the story

I have never gotten so many dirty looks in my life! All these bitches wanted him and when they saw me with him they tried to burn me up with their glares. But no dudes looked at me twice.

Poor me. I just want to feel better about myself

Is it possible I?m growing up?
I’ve decided the secret to my success is to trick my mind into being less selfish. I’ve had this problem that has really bothered me for a long time…

I guess it comes with the territory of being a spoiled princess but I have this jealousy thing with L.

L has given LD the daughter I will never be able to give him, this hurts me more than I can explain and has made me face some major issues, so today I thought to myself “what if S really was his daughter? How would I feel then? I would accept her as part of my family and be grateful that someone gave him a daughter even though it wasn’t me

Burnin? love
it seem’s I’ve started a theme...anyway

I had gone 24 years of my life without a bladder infection, now it seems every time I turn around I get one!
I blame B, it all started with him and now LD...
I really don’t want to go to the Dr again. I’m so sick of Dr’s right now...plus I know what he’ll say...
Bitch stop fuckin’!!!

It;s VD day
Sorry I had to...when my friend Diddy told me Happy VD day I about peed myself

on my lunch break I decided to do my last minute Valentines day shopping. While I was in the store I heard my favorite love song ever! It’s so cheesy but I love it

NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU (Glenn Medeiros)
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

Thank God my friends are crazy too
Boy have I missed Bob! We’re the kind of friends that make each other feel better about ourselves…not on purpose that is but just by sharing our stories with each other

Example:
Bob has been dating this dude for something like 5 years. It’s obvious to me that they really care about each other they just show it in their own way. Bob (like me) is a spazz and until recently couldn’t bring herself to spend the night at dudes house (unlike me…who spent the night at LD’s place one night and never left)

Bob cant get it through her head that dude really cares about her (hmm sounds familiar) even though it’s obvious to others

I tell Bob not to feel bad I have the same problem, that I question LD all the time when he tells me he loves me…Bob says I’m more fucked up than her because he TELLS me…

So I ask you readers to help us out…

How much shit will men really put up with just to get laid?